Home

As I sit at the airport in Romania and wait to board a plane to America, I find myself thinking a lot about the word home.  I'm going home! But I'm also leaving my home.

So what is home?

1. A safe place to be yourself.

Home is the place where you don't have to pretend. You are free to be happy, sad, frustrated, confused or sometimes just silly.

"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned." - Maya Angelou

2. A place where something flourishes.

I love this Oxford Dictionary definition. Home is a place where you grow and change. A place where you are encouraged to be your best self. A place where you flourish into something beautiful.

3. A place filled with memories.

Home is a place where time is invested and personal memories are made. I can love my visiting my sister,  or love the mountains but those places are not my home because I have never invested serious time there.

4. A place shared with loved ones.

This is the most important element of a true home. It is loved ones who make you feel safe, accept you for who you are and help you to flourish. It is with people that memories are made. It is the people our hearts are drawn to, and without people and without love a place ceases to be a home.

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As I reflect on these definitions I am grateful for the homes God has given me over the years. Some were home only for a season while others remain. But having so many homes also leaves me feeling that I am never completely at home. Romania is home but it is not my culture which leaves me longing. Iowa is home but it is not my calling which also leaves me longing.

The reality is our earthly "home" will never be as complete as we want it to be. Things change, people move, our hearts are torn between different places. But God didn't design us for an earthly home. We were designed to make our home in God's kingdom, the kingdom of heaven. Only there, only in Him can we be completely safe, completely ourselves. Only in Him can we flourish to our full potential. The best memories we can make are by following Him and His plan because He loves us more than anyone else.

Choosing Abundant Life - Every Day

“I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” 

–Jesus in John 10:10

Every day we make hundreds to thousands of choices from what to wear, what to eat, how to spend money or who to spend time with. As a missionary I have a lot of freedom to make my own choices which is in many ways nice, but also a big responsibility. In order to live life to the full, to live the abundant life, I need to make certain choices. But making these choices is not a “one and done” thing; I must make conscious choices every day.

• Choose GOD. Choose to make Him a priority. In a world constantly telling us what we need to be satisfied, the Bible is absolutely clear that Jesus and God are the source of true life. Without God we can do nothing.
• Choose your PERSPECTIVE. We may not be able to choose our circumstances but we can always choose our perspective in the midst of everyday life, including the hard times. We can choose to be thankful. We can choose to show love. We can choose joy. We can choose to let go of worries and experience peace.
• Choose to be INTENTIONAL and take RISKS. For me, it is easy to settle into monotonous routine, even if it leads to loneliness, boredom and ultimately frustration. But living abundantly means getting out of our comfort zones to be intentional with our time and relationships, to take risks and try new things, even if we don’t know how they will turn out.
• Choose to live in COMMUNITY. The abundant life is not lived alone. We must choose to invest in community, in relationships. We must choose to be vulnerable in order to go deeper and ultimately be stronger together.
• Choose to do MORE of the things that FILL YOU UP. We must choose to do more of the things that fill us up, bring us joy and make us feel alive. More of the things that make us forget to check our phones. For me this is spending time having fun with friends or with kids, creative lettering or enjoying the quiet of nature. These things are unique for each one of us so it’s often up to us as individuals to make this happen!
• Choose GRACE. As hard as we might try, each day is going to hold choices we wish we could take back. We are imperfect, broken people but every day we can choose to remember the grace of God. We can remember that we are saved because of His love, not because of what we’ve done.

Again, there are days where I don’t make the right choices and I don’t live life as full as I could. But tomorrow is a new day full of new possibilities and new choices. What choices might you need to make to live life more abundantly?

Thunderstorm Reflections

The music of raindrops. The flashes of lightning. The rolling thunder. Tonight I sat on my balcony and enjoyed a late night spring thunderstorm and experienced a calming of my spirit. I have always loved a good thunderstorm, especially at night when you can clearly see the flashes of lightning across the sky. Beauty. Power. Awe.

What I love most is that a thunderstorm has a way of pointing me to God. I see a thunderstorm as a reflection of God’s power and beauty. I want to be in awe of the Lord with the same terrifying yet wonderful sense of awe I have when I watch a storm. There is nothing I can do to control a thunderstorm and yet God created it. I have to trust that He is all-powerful and in control of all things.

“But God made the earth by his power; he founded the world by his wisdom and stretched out the heavens by his understanding.  When he thunders, the waters in the heavens roar; he makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth. He sends lightning with the rain and brings out the wind from his storehouses.” [Jeremiah 10:12-13]

So why am I reflecting on God and thunderstorms?

Because the last month has felt a bit out of control. As much as I have tried to find balance and routine, it feels like nothing is consistent and nothing goes as planned. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy and life is good, but my lack of routine has been a bit stressful for me and my spirit.

But God has reminded me over and over: HE is the one in control and I must learn to trust Him and rest in Him, even when I don’t have routine or a sense of control. God has provided peace and rest in the strangest moments – whether it is a hotel room because I missed my last train home or during a thunderstorm. He knows what I need exactly when I need it most.

So even though there is still a lot to do to get back into the groove of life, I am thankful. I am thankful to be the daughter of the powerful, yet beautiful Creator God.

“No one is like you, Lord; you are great, and your name is mighty in power.”
[Jeremiah 10:6]

**Photo is not mine.

Struggling in the Wilderness

“In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt!”

[Exodus 16:2-3]

Every time I read the story of the Israelites complaining in the wilderness, to be honest, my first reaction is pretty judgmental. They watched God rain down the ten plagues on Egypt. He parted the Red Sea. And He gave them food from heaven and water from a rock! But it never took them long to revert back to complaining and believing God wasn’t really with them. How could they forget so easily?!

But seasons like this reveal how much I am just like them.

While Timisoara is a thriving beautiful city, the last seven weeks have felt like the wilderness for my soul. Being away from the place and people I love has been a lonely experience. Being away from ministry I feel called to has left a longing for purpose in my soul. Too many days I have felt like I’m wandering aimlessly.

Now, like with the Israelites, God has given me many blessings even in the wilderness. New friends. Encouraging conversations. Progress in language. He has made it clear that He is with me, that He wants me here.

But sadly, because life here overall is not what I expected or wanted, I quickly forgot the blessings and instead complained to God or turned to other things for satisfaction. I wanted God to show me what I was supposed to do in my spare time here in Timișoara. I wanted Him to deliver me from the wilderness— the loneliness and boredom. But when His response was not clear, I decided to try to fill the space myself with numbing TV, and the more I did that, the less I was even listening for God’s voice and direction. I failed to trust Him and His plan for this season.

The beauty of the story of the Israelites is that God remained faithful even though His people failed over and over. God was faithful to the point of sending His son to the cross to die so we, His imperfect people, could still be in relationship with Him. So in this season, I am so thankful for my Savior and my God, who loves faithfully, even when I am not faithful.

I am finally accepting that God is not going to deliver me from the wilderness. He wants to use this time to draw me closer to Himself. [Hosea 2:14] “I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her.” If I choose to seek Him in the silence and loneliness, this has the potential to be a season of growth and preparation for times to come. I don’t know exactly what it looks like, but I know this is what God is asking of me – to trust Him.

Choosing to Be (when I don't want to be.)

Ten days ago I got on a train in Drăgănești and headed 7 hours to Timișoara, a large city in western Romania, for 2-3 months of language learning.

I made the decision to come to Timișoara before I even arrived in Romania. Many experienced missionaries recommended focused time for language learning, in a location away from ministry. I had missionary connections to Areopagus, a Christian center here in Timișoara that offers language classes to foreigners.

However, this move has been harder than I expected.

Last week I experienced serious homesickness – for Drăgănești-Olt. God called me to Romania – but specifically Drăgănești. He has knitted my heart to that place and those people. I missed my church, my friends, my ministry, my space… basically everything. I struggled with a lot of negative thoughts: “Was this the right choice?” “How soon can I return?” and “Lord – I don’t want to be here!”

So why didn’t I get on a train and just go back?

Because language learning is going well, and that is my main purpose here. Logically I know I need to be in Timișoara. I like spending 6+ hours a week with an experienced teacher and having plenty of time to do homework. The people here speak slower, which is helping to build my confidence in listening and understanding. God has provided people around me with whom I can practice.

But what do you do when your heart is in another place?

You have to make a choice. I can choose my attitude. I can choose to be thankful. I can choose to be present. I can choose to see the beauty around me. I can choose to make the most of the opportunity I have been given. So for the next couple months I am choosing to trust the Lord and His purposes for me here in Timișoara. I don’t know exactly how long I will stay. I don’t know exactly how I will spend all my time or who I will spend it with. But I know God wants me to be present here, not wishing and wasting all my time away. He doesn’t want me to give up. So I will take things one day at a time, choosing the Lord and His direction. And for now that is enough.

P.S. To my friends in Drăgănești – I still miss you. You still have my heart. ;)  

The Gift of Praying - Together

“Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
[Matthew 18:19-20]

Last month God gave me an unexpected gift. He gave me a month of prayer which is a beautiful gift by itself, but He also sent a prayer partner to join me.

My friend Ancuța was already an answer to prayer. Back in October I had several people tell me they were praying God would give me a friend to help me settle in to Romania – and He did! We have fun together, we can talk about anything, and I adore her beautiful daughter. However, at the end of November God gave us both a desire for more prayer in our lives and so we agreed to meet every morning at 7. We began praying for each other, our families, our church, our missionaries, our city and our country. We met for four weeks and it was a beautiful time.

Now, because of the holidays and my soon-departure for language school, Ancuța and I are no longer able to meet regularly. But I want to remember and share some of the things I’ve gained and learned from praying daily with another person.

A Reason to Get Moving

Sometimes we need an extra push to get moving. For me meeting to pray gave me a reason to get out of my house. For Ancuța it was a reason to wake up before her little daughter. There is powerful motivation in knowing another person is waiting for you, and that your time will be devoted to the Lord.

Knowing & Trusting God More

Most mornings Ancuța and I would start by reading scripture. It was a daily reminder of who God is and what His word says.

God desires for us to come to Him. “Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.” [1 Chronicles 16:11] Prayer is one of the ways we seek God and acknowledge our need for Him. This is the fellowship and open communication He desires with us.

God cares. Nothing is too big or too small for the Lord. When we bring Him our desires, fears, worries, etc. it shows that we trust Him to care for us and give us the strength and peace we need. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” [Philippians 4:6-7]

God is listening and He does answer prayers.  “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” [1 John 5:14-15] I recently read that the more prayers we pray, the more prayers God can answer and this is true! It was really amazing to see the prayers God answered in December, even the small ones – and to praise Him for it.

God is our good, trustworthy Father. Even when many prayers seem to go unanswered we can still trust in the goodness & faithfulness of God. “Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.” [Deuteronomy 7:9] The ultimate reminder of His faithfulness and love is in the fact that He sent His son to this earth to save us. For that alone we can always praise God.

Fellowship with Others

Prayer is one of many ways to strengthen our fellowship with others. Ancuța and I were friends before, but this month of prayer brought us even closer together. There is strength and encouragement in knowing the other person is sacrificing their own time to meet. But more than that is witnessing the other person’s vulnerability and heart for the Lord. I love listening to Ancuța pray. Even if I don’t fully understand the Romanian language, I can still sense the passion in her voice. Our time of prayer often led to more words of encouragement too.

A Changed Heart

I was already in love with Drăgănești-Olt and its people but praying for this place daily softened my heart even more. Ancuța is a native to Drăgănești and she knows the deep struggles. There is something powerful about listening to someone cry out to God on behalf of a people and a place. There is also power in speaking the words yourself, praying out loud for God to come and change hearts and lives in specific ways. Now more than ever I desire to see the hope of Christ here in Drăgănești and Romania.

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You may not have someone you can pray with daily, but I encourage you to seek another person or even a group to pray with on a regular basis. Pray for each other, pray for your church, pray for your city and pray for the world. Come before God and see what He does!