A Broken Heart

God is breaking my heart.

One of my favorite little Roma boys is smoking with older boys from his neighborhood. He is in 1st grade.

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The church in Corabia, a city twice the size of Draganesti, is barely surviving even though there is a passionate couple trying to sow seeds of Christ's love for years now.

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A young boy, the first in his family to attempt going to school has not been seen in class for over a week. Now he is found running around barefoot, in clothes that are never washed in a yard full of trash.

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A young Romanian woman is doing her best to provide for the social needs of the community, help at-risk children with homework, all while being a wife and a mother. She is trying to do it all but she is worn out and stretched thin.

In the last 3 weeks, these are just a few things I've witnessed and God is using them to break my heart more and more for these people and this place. It hurts. It hurts to see the brokenness and desperation. It hurts knowing how little I can do. It hurts knowing I will leave in less than two weeks.

But it is with a broken heart we are driven to action. It is the reason we turn to God in prayer. We realize we cannot do it without him. A broken heart is the reason we start programs such as After School to provide children with the opportunity to have a better education and ultimately better life. It is the reason we preach the gospel. Only the hope of Christ and the Holy Spirit can truly bring change in the lives of people. My broken heart is the reason I know I can leave my home and family to return to Romania.

It is with a broken heart we also become more like Jesus. He came to earth and had compassion on the lost and broken people. The origin of the word compassion is "to suffer with". It was His broken heart for the world that led Jesus to go to the cross and die for the sins of the world.

So while it hurts, I am thankful for the broken heart God has given me and I pray he continues to break my heart for what breaks His.

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"Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”

[Psalm 82:3-4]

Photo via asociatiasperanta.ro

In Romania

I have been in Romania almost two weeks now and if I had to use one word to describe my time so far, it would be overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed at the Need

Here in this region of Romania there is so much need, both physical and spiritual. As I shared from my first trip here, because this is a post-communist country, many people are not religious and most do not know Jesus. However, this trip, I am working alongside a young missionary, Mariana who works on social projects for the area. Many people are unemployed and cannot adequately provide for their families. Poor children are not encouraged to become educated by their families. In my short time here I have seen a young teenage girl who does not know how to read. I have seen a young orphaned woman trying to raise her own child with no one to encourage her or guide her. The need is great and the workers are few.

Overwhelmed at the Reality of this Life

This life is hard. Because the need is great, the work never ends. It is exhausting. I no longer have the comfort and company of my World Race family. Sometimes it seems lonely and there are not many options for the times when I want to relax. It is hard not knowing the language and being unable to have conversations with those I am wanting to serve.  But I am glad I am seeing this reality now.

Overwhelmed with Peace

While yes, this life is hard and exhausting and overwhelming, I still have a peace knowing I am right where God wants me.  This life requires dependency and rest in God. Peace comes in the little moments too. A morning prayer with Mariana. The joy of a young boy who just got a math problem correct. The laughter of a little girl. The smile of a Romanian woman as I share a newly learned Romanian phrase.  Ann after-hours kitchen dance party with the missionaries. Listening to the chatter of the elder sisters of the church as they make sandwiches. It is these moments and more where I know I am where I want to be.

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I have been welcomed into the Hope Church Romania family with open arms and I am excited to see what else God has for me during my time here.

The Unexpected

I am someone who dreamed and planned from the time I was a little girl. I had expectations for my future. Some of my dreams and plans have yet to come true. Others were achieved but something was still missing. 

And this is where my unexpected life began. After finishing my chemical engineering degree and working in industry for a few years, I was led to follow my passion for overseas missions. It started with the World Race - working alongside local missionaries in 11 countries for 11 months. Now I am pursuing long term missions in Romania because my heart is with the people there. 

I could not have expected this. I could not have imagined this. But this is the life God has given me and so I will continue to move forward, one step at a time, even when I am not sure what is ahead.

Whether life takes us on grand adventures or we find ourselves working everyday jobs, we all experience the unexpected sooner or later. Sometimes the unexpected is better than anything we could have planned. Other times the unexpected hurts. 

If I have learned anything, it is to let go of expectations and trust God.